Today has me thinking a lot about the passage of time. Today (December 16, 2015) is a special day for me as it is my 10th anniversary as Chaplain Specialist at Levine Children’s Hospital. It has been just over 19 years since that visit to the pediatric floor at New York Hospital — only my third day on the unit — when I met a three-year-old with an impish grin who would change my life forever. For the past decade here at LCH, I have met patients, family, and staff who continually bring both my professional life and personal life into clearer focus. I learn more about being a pastoral caregiver and more about myself with each and every visit. The work has enriched my life immeasurably. Even after ten years it is humbling to be accepted as a valuable member of that very unique and special universe.
There have been other milestones this year. Last June I wrote a letter to the first minister I worked with as a church choir director on the occasion marking 40 years since I became a congregational professional. As I get older, those numbers become both more impressive and more surreal.
Today I am realizing how often I look back marking wonderful things that have happened and perhaps even more so looking forward to things I am anticipating. I look forward to completing rewarding tasks, to being with friends I haven’t seen for awhile, to vacations, and to holidays. I also frequently look forward to getting past challenging times — perhaps experiencing a bit of respite from the busy-ness of my world. Oftentimes having things to look forward to gives me the strength to persevere during the difficult moments.
As much as I relish looking back on accomplishments and looking forward to eagerly-anticipated events, I find it disturbing that so little energy goes into simply looking around to see the wonder of the present moment. We talk about “living in the moment” in both positive and pejorative ways. One suggests appreciation of the world around us while the other suggests an inability to have perspective on the trajectory of our lives. But understanding the moment we currently occupy — understanding time as it is happening — is quite difficult. We perceive time as flying by when we are enjoying something we want to last, or time standing still when we are enduring hardships. It is almost impossible to understand time as the relentlessly steady continuum it is.
Given that difficulty, looking back and looking forward actually can give us some sense of our present moment. Appreciating the past and anticipating the future are not, in themselves, bad things. They may, in fact, be the best way us limited humans can get a handle on the passage of time. I can only hope that when I walk into the hospital later today that I will not only feel good about the wonderful experiences of the past decade, but will be able to find moments to simply look around at the people I encounter — and smile and be grateful for the present.
