I believe creating community embodies listening – listening with an intentional level of depth and patience that often does not come naturally. When I disagree with someone, I am usually confident I DO understand exactly what the other person is saying and am ready to barrel through to now insist they understand ME! Of course, the other person (or group) feels exactly the same way. The result? Dialogue is done before it’s begun.
Community, at its best, means that individuals feel heard and respected. My ideal community does not mean everybody agrees. Community sprouts from meaningful relationships. Relationships of substance grow when we practice Compassionate Communication: a way of interacting where seeking to understand (the other) takes precedence over the desire to be understood. Guidelines and tools can help develop this skill, but I think the desire to communicate deeply is more important than the mechanics.
I have recently stepped back into active participation at Beth El because of the promise of a culture shift in this direction through the Small Groups initiative (TriBEs). While we are beginning with Baby Boomers, the long term promise is to nurture relationships throughout our synagogue. A common denominator throughout our TriBEs will be respectful engagement on a deeply human level.
While TriBE members may have more commonalities than differences, some of the most meaningful relationships develop when we discover connections in places where we thought there were none. This, to me, is the magic of deep listening – it allows us to build small bridges of understanding and respect between individuals, creating a web of relationships that link us together in broader community.
Ellen J. Reich runs creative writing groups, tutors reading with the Augustine Literacy Project and volunteers with her retired greyhound. She is married to Rick Glaser (since 1985), lives in Charlotte (since 2000) and has two wonderful adult sons.
