Several weeks ago, I sat on the couch with my family. From husband to toddler, all three were engrossed in the Panthers latest pummeling of another team. I was looking at the ceiling, my mind far away.
Matt turned to me and said, “This is like watching paint dry for you, isn’t it?”
I realized that it might very well have looked that way to the outsider. I was most definitely not watching the game, nor was I reading or fiddling with my phone. I was just sitting there quietly.
Let’s be perfectly clear. I don’t follow football. I could list some names of positions (like the actual jobs, not the players who fulfill them – that’s overly specific) and I have a vague idea of what a “down” is. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed watching “Friday Night Lights” back in the day.
The years when I was at Rutgers were before their football team was any good; they literally would hand tickets out for free at the dining halls. Despite the fact that I had lots of family and friends in our High School marching band, I think I only went to one game in all four years.
I don’t really follow any sports. I remember a classmate at HUC-JIR warning me that I was going to have to get up on college Basketball if I were to have any hope of being successful in my job in Charlotte. (I seem to be doing OK so far. Shhhh…)
Matt, however, loves football and he always has, from his days in the peewee league. His dad watches football, his mom did. Growing up in Northern Virginia, Matt’s team was the Redskins and his Dad, the displaced New Yorker, was the Giants. (Rest assured that Matthew is fully invested in the Panthers now.) I’ve almost made it through my 17th season as a football widow.
When we Matt and I were younger, football season meant that I had plenty of time to do my school work, prepare work for my congregation, nap, go to the mall (what else do we do in Jersey?), or whatever I wanted. When our kids were younger, football season meant that I was likely holding down the childcare fort to try to give Matt those few precious hours a week of watching the game.
But on this day in question, I sat holed up with my family: them watching and me elsewhere in my mind.
It wasn’t like watching paint dry at all. These were the best hours of my weekend. Even though I don’t derive pleasure from watching the game or engage with it in the same way as my kids (Go Panfers! Go Panfers! Go Panfers!), I got to simply stop and be with them in something that bonded us as a family. When you love people, you can sit through the thing that they love, simply for the sheer enjoyment of watching them enjoy.
All the more so, it was tangible in this afternoon that my children are growing into an age where family activities and experiences are more possible. The younger one will be three in a few months and he is suddenly big enough to hang with his sister and parents in a different way.
“Football is like watching paint dry, yes,” I said. “But, sitting here with the three of you is great. This is awesome.”
We can never know what a person is really experiencing, what benefit they are truly deriving from an experience unless we ask and engage in the conversation. I know that this is true about congregants who come to services, but do not sing, or come to Torah study, but do not ask questions – for some of us, it’s enough to simply take it in and experience it in our own way.
Now, even a football curmudgeon like me can’t help but be excited that our Panthers are headed to Superbowl 50. Even my cranky-self can get behind Rabbi Judy and Rabbi Joe Black’s friendly fundraising campaign (If you haven’t seen the amazing video that Brian Kahn and Andy Siegel put together, check it out right here.) I’ve never once been to a college or professional football game and I can still be swept up in the pride of place, team spirit, and communal energy rallied by this season’s achievement so far for the Panthers. In fact, Temple Beth El is hosting a special potluck Panthers Pride Oneg this Friday following the Family Service. Please bring a Panthers-themed dessert, some sparking cider or wine to share this Friday as we toast their success and wish them much mazal in the game on Sunday. Register here to let us know what you are bringing. #KeepPounding
